Training Dad for Natural Childbirth

February 1st, 2012

“The Experience Aint Like Baseball”

We men build confidence as we pack on relatable experiences and go from one step to the next in our male worlds of fun and challenge. Hunting, running, leaping, telling jokes, telling lies, doing the male thing. Pushing each other around, learning to tackle, playing sand lot football, kicking the soccer ball for hours, being taught dirty words and practicing their vocalization. On and on it goes – the world of maleness is littered with glory in the mind, busted bloody lips and pretending you are a whole lot tougher than you really are.

It is a whole set of experiences that begin early and in most cases carry men far into their cultural world(s). But you know what? There is nothing you have done in the past, your natural boyhood past that is going to prepare you for childbirth.

What You Do Have Going For You -

What you do have going for you is your willingness and desire to be a help. But everything else must be viewed with a CAUTION. Don’t say to yourself that you are a “Womans’s Man” and that will prepare you for childbirth — I mean, a natural childbirth, in which you are delivering and being a coach. A woman in labor is not a regular woman, so do not bring any assumptions to the table that you are not ready to abandon. First of all, if it is her first labor, she does not know exactly how she is going to be. Of course she has ages of instinctive reactions and the natural wisdom of the female animal to help her. YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT HOPEFUL HELPFULNESS GOING FOR YOU. And being too eager will be one of your first mistakes. For most men, this is not a problem. As a willing neophyte loving husband, be confident that your wife is most happy that you want to be a help. It is indeed a wonderful thing to observe and be involved in. But it comes with cautions and advisories. Let’s get some perspective.

Being Pushed Out of the Hut -

There was odd comfort in the way things used to be. The male is pushed out of the hut by a group of village wives and old Mamas. The man, all nerves, is happy to be shown the campfire so he can drink grog with the boys. Movie scenes for decades display a slammed door, a huffy nurse, a steaming pot of hot water and the husband being pushed stage left. THAT SCENE IS AS OLD AS MOVIES THEMSELVES.

BUT. Somebody got the idea that Natural Childbirth and a well trained Coaching Husband/Father were a good thing. (I won’t go into that History in this blog). Well, I present my self as a prime example. I delivered all 3 of my daughters via the Husband coached method with Midwives, Naturopaths and Doctors in the background.

Being Invited Back Into the Hut -

Not wishing to be dismissive about the very subject I am reverently addressing, I will say that the movement toward the involvement of the Husband in the childbirth delivery process is a wonderul societal and social development and I eagerly embraced is as a young father. So, having come from a Yankee, on the edge of the frontier, kind of people (both paternal and maternal families go back to the 1600′s in New England and Prince Edward Island), something inside me determined that I should do this. Now in looking back I do not really know if there was one reason why I had the boldness and commitment to do it, other than no one advised me against it. The church I was in commended husbands who did it, but it was a “window dressing” kind of recommendation. Most husbands “left the hut”. So the following history amazes me still.

The History -

Delivery #1 - Summer 1972 in Pasadena, Texas, it was a hot muggy July day. We lived in a one bedroom apartment and young Dad thought this was a good idea. I was 23 years old. A Naturopath from Germany (80 year old Dr. Bruner) oversaw the delivery. Long labor.

Delivery #2 - Spring 1975, Adamsburg, Pennsylvania (near Greensburg) outside of Pittsburgh, at 2:00 AM delivered my second daughter Natalie in high speed labor. This was in a fellow minister’s home, presided over by an experienced mid-wife.

Delivery #3 - Fall 1981, Denver, Colorado, the Birthing Room of St. Joseph’s hospital. Now veteran hubby delivers third daughter. She would not breathe, so we actually did slap her on the bottom. It worked. She got irritated and started breathing. Whole medical team overseeing.

Labor – Surreal Awe -

My first labor experience was by far the most surreal. My awe was because of the utterly incomparable things that were happening. The first time at this is a combination of strange physical exertion, muted emotional tension, outright fear and electrical anticipatioin.

The breathing coaching is fun when you are helping her to “back off” and not let herself push too hard. It feels good to send the suggestions her way and it feels like its having a helpful effect. You have been told that the “backing off” from laborious effort is very important for the success of the delivery. And so you so you are content that you are doing what you should be doing.

Bug then, when she pushes, I mean pushes like you have never personally pushed in your life, with a MIGHT that seems powered by a nuclear core. The muscles on her shoulders stand up like cords of steel. Veins pop out everywhere and her eyes are flushed with pressure. You stop yourself and blankly look at a magnificent physical effort. And then the effort subsides and quietness and slow breathing ensue. If the labor goes long, she drops from Herculean pushing to quiet deathlike mortification. Your coaching sometimes seems like a poor cheering effort in a contest that you are only observing. Your invovement almost seems eerily detached. After a bit your coaching can seem unnecessary and superfluous. Still though, you know you are being appreciated, you know its all good.

UNTIL. Until she looks at you with a demonic eye and tells you to shut up — or screams a name at you and pushes out this sentence: “You did this to me ——- @#$#@ you!” My first experience in Texas was highlghted by a strangely fearful image. I was viewing the cresting head. Of course the muscular pressure was pushing in on the cranium. It was covered with the “white stuff” – nature’s waterproofing - VERNIX and her downy hair. The skin of the skull was pushed together in a wrinkly brain-like looking mass. I held my breath. To my mind it looked like only brains were going to be delivered. I looked at the doctor. He looked completely content. Nothing seemed wrong to him — so I kept on smiling. But for two minutes my head felt like it was going to explode. Then the head was delivered. I held my daughter in my hands. There was her wrinkled crown and there she was. I exhaled and smiled and stayed with my duties.

Cutting the Cord - You have heard that phrase all your life, but young Daddy, get ready. The Umbilicus seems like it is made of high tech rubber. It is not a “cord”, like yarn you might scissors through. This stuff is downright stiff and hard. The word I think of is CABLE. And when you go to cut the cord, it feels like you are cutting cable. Tending to the afterbirth will be shown to you, but get ready for a physical experience along with all of the attendant emotional one. Any experience you have had hunting may actually benefit you here. If your wife had to undergo an episiotomy, you will want to make sure she is attended to by the doctors as soon as possible. In my third daughter’s delivery a very upset female Doctor came into the post delivery situation and noticed that my wife had not yet been sewn up. She excoriated the Intern for his neglect. I pass this along for those who this might affect.

Labor and successful delivery can vary from a couple hours to 4 to 6 hours to 10 hours or painfully longer. With C-Sections becoming more common and powerful drugs becoming more commonplace, the world of child bearing is changing as the years progress. The extreme outlier cases do not tend to be there. But the husband-coached delivery is now quite common. In fact, things have changed so much that even more than one eager husband is often there.

Recent Multiple Coached Delivery - Recently one of my grandchildren was born into an “It Takes A Village” kind of delivery. These days deliveries can be loving group family experiences. 30 and 40 years ago, things were different. I don’t think of myself as a pioneer, but i was among a group of pioneers. The medical community has changed much over these decades. Note that my third daughter was delivered in a BIRTHING ROOM. This was new in the early 80;s. Seeing all these changes ove the decades is refreshing and inspiring. New souls enter into the world in a joyful, happy, clean and accepting world. At the core of this experience is the new happy Daddy, who is now an integral part of the birthing process. Here’s to Dads who were invited back into the hut. Most of all here’s to those wonderful heroic Mothers, who in the midst of labor look physically for moments like the robust powerful determined creatures that they really are.

Delivering the Homo Sapien’s Head - A commentator on a program on the nature of homo sapiens said that if the human baby’s head were any larger, and women hips had to accommodate that larger head, the woman could not walk, and thus the race could not survive. In other words, the large brain that women deliver is as large as it can possibly be. And still the human child has to go through an extended developmental period so that the brain can absorb, develop, learn and progress through all of its developmental phases before it reaches adulthood.

As I have participated in my small way in three real deliveries, I saw in real life what it takes to deliver the human head and get individuals into VIABILITY. What women do in the act of delivery with their already elegantly designed HIPS is a true testimony to the magnificence of creation and its FORM FOLLOWING FUNCTION ACTIVITY.

Young Dads – fully participate in the delivery and join in a partnership with your Wife. Its as close as you can get to the Human Magic of Birth.

 

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Kissing Seminar 101

February 1st, 2012

by  

Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
Kissing is a volatile topic.  It covers so much.

“Technique” is a word that comes to mind.  How to become a better kisser because you learn to have a talented lower lip and a delicate bite, and a provocative probing tongue.  Technique is important, but any musician will tell you:  “Technique doesn’t make the art.”
No.  What men miss in the Art of Kissing is knowing that it’s an art at all.  The goal directed, baseball based, mountain climbing allusions are all male ways of talking about how close they are to the “real goal”.

To men kissing is like something that is very helpful, but minor in importance.  It’s a way to keep her locked in stimulating activity while he thinks about what has been, what’s next, and where you are both physically going.

Male Thinking

To a logical MALE thinker – kissing has to do with locale and the history of the couple.

1)   Kissing early in the relationship:  Important because it’s early on, and is not going to lead to sex – and therefore you kiss a certain way.

2)   Kissing that might lead to sex, but the place to have sex has not been covered, and the decision to have sex has not been made.

3)   Kissing that most likely will lead to sex because you pretty well have decided, and you are a rabbit’s jump close to somebody’s bed.

4)   Kissing that is definitely leading to sex.

5)   Kissing during the act of sex.

6)   Kissing that is post-coital and “romantic”.

7)   Kissing that is a “good night” or “good bye” kiss.

Because men think like this; which again is logical and clock oriented, men’s kissing can be thus described:  hurried, sloppy, aggressive, losing interest, repetitive, inattentive, bored, roughly passionate, penetrating.

Women Disclose Often

A:

Women will say happily, “Oh, he’s a good kisser, and you know, I was really so surprised.  It’s like he’s so good looking that it’s like he could want you to do all the work, you know?”

B:

Or, just as shocked:  “He is like so boring a kisser.  It’s like he doesn’t really like it.  He wants to get to all the other stuff really fast.  And you know, he’s so cute, that you’re thinking.  Kissing is a bother to him.”

C:

“Oh my Gawwwd, he shoved his tongue all the way down my throat.  I mean OK, I’m not against that, but not two seconds after we started, and you know, I don’t know him that well!”

D:

“Oh he is so wonderful.  He doesn’t eat your mouth up; he approaches with little nibbles.  It’s like he cares about my feelings and my face, and myself.  You know?  It’s like if I wanted him to, he would continue like that for a long time.”

E:

We have been kissing for a long time, but each time we kiss, you can feel him slowing down.  Pausing

 F:

“Yeah, I had a new guy.  Kind of shy, but a great person.  He stops in the middle of his kissing, and says:  “Am I going too fast?”  Now how did I meet this guy?”
G.

Caring.  Breathing me in.  Softly, delicately, he kisses just one part of my lip and my ear lobe, and my eye.  And he has been doing this for years.”

From These Perspectives

Of course there is a goal oriented step-by-step, caress-by-caress nature to the loving romantic and sexual act.  But this should not be announced with the gong of the bell.  It should be quietly, mysteriously and floatingly handled.   So men, have to think about the steps, they should simply not be being observed going through the steps.  Kissing is a PRELUDE to all the mechanics, and the energy, and the groaning and screaming and physicality of sex.  The Male and Female have to be observing and they are the observed.  It is a wrestling match that is hidden inside the art and movements of each participant.

The Men have their inherent perspective and the Women have theirs.  The importance of Kissing is that it initiates and maintains symbolically what you two are about.  But it also disguises the passion by pointing to our little affectionate act.

Aha!  “Maybe kissing is all we are going to do”.   It is this subtlety that adds to the beauty.  And at the same time, kissing is saying:  “Guess what we’re going to do.”

If men can involve themselves in the disguises and the passionate indications and still focus on that individual, not that object, then he will get that sweet little attestation at the afternoon tea:  “Oh, he is one good kisser.”  In so doing, he might be patching up and healing where he was not quite aware.

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Aries Code

February 1st, 2012

by 

Rain Dancer Associates, LLC

From the Active Ram to the Mysterious Lamb

The first time you read anything astrological, you say:  “Where did they come up with these animals and humans?”  And then your next logical question is “How do these characteristics transfer some kind of meaning to the adherent?”

What do the characteristics of a scorpion, or a horse, or a goat or a lion tell us?  Then you read what those animalistic or humanistic characters and they communicate something to you.

The Personal Process of Embracing Your Sun Sign

In the case of a Ram let’s say, the images are bold, violent, energetic, youthful, challenging.  Each person can come up with their own images.  This tends to be a personal subjective process.  These images, like a bag of treats, can hold many subjective, and even somewhat contradictory tendencies.  But because these images are quite defined and “agreed upon” by nature itself, these figures become solidified over time.  Being hung with the deadly Scorpion appellation can make most people dread, some people proud and others just much confused.

Cancers who embrace “Moonchild” and don’t like the “Crab”

In my years of counseling, I have found that “stumbling” over these images causes problems and misapprehensions.  Of course this ancient art did not generate these images for our entertainment.  So when the Cancer embraces Moonchild, she also might be missing some meaning because she does not get the Coding in back of the Symbol.  It might be more profitable to more completely focus on the Code, instead of the symbol.  After all, what does a pair of fish going in opposite directions really tell the average Pisces?  Isn’t there a Code that can be more enlightening?   The answer is “Yes”.

The Reverse Engineered Coding that like a Laser Beam, Can Shine on your Soul

In each of these “reverse engineering” articles, I will focus on the larger code above the sun sign symbol, which in actual text will give us clear meaning, and thus a path to success, above the descriptive images the sun sign gives us.

What is the Aries Code?

The classic ram image is a “full of itself” manifestation of the artistic vision that the leaping ram creates.  It is also perhaps, one of the easiest for people to identify with.  The headstrong powerful ram readily makes humans alert to energy, achievement, surpassing obstacles that stand in front of them.  It also implicitly states the Self is what is being manifested.  In fact the essential Self is number one!  Aries says:  “Me first!” – And it means it.  Aries is a great beginner, and is expert at pushing itself to the front of the line.  Aries is at its core, competitive, combative and a pusher and a shover.   But, they are not just athletic, as these descriptions might imply, they are also bright and sharp with a strong mind and great memories.  They do not finish well, and are not the easiest people to get along with, but they are one of the Stars of the Zodiac.  But alas, there is a deeper underlying vision, a Secret of Creation that it holds in its code.

Cardinal Fire

The urge to do something new and build it from scratch and be the author of a new creation is what the cardinal impulse is.  Without the “cardinal”, the world does not get the “fixity” of reality and then the changing essence of “mutability”, next.  But wait, the Aries also exhibits “Fire”.  Fire also lies at the start of action and the start of creation.  These two combined transmit the “newness” of creation, or the “infancy” of creations beginnings.   As a side note, you will often see that Aries can exhibit a naiveté because it often is quite new to experience in general as a soul.

Cardinal Fire Spring

Spring is a time throughout our planet for the manifestation of the “youthful” deities.   The Christ Child, and/or the Risen Christ are fit for Spring.  The Aries should understand that there are deeper and more powerful forces at play during their sun sign.  It is in fact, not just a time for the pure manifestation of the energy of self, but also a time for a manifestation of Divine Energy.  This Divine Energy is at play down here so that new human levels of achievement and spiritual levels of growth are attained.  The Aries is happy and sometimes ecstatic with its energy.  It should also realize that their delirious sense of self is closer to the divine power in its essential seedling state; as it readies itself for complete spiritual newness and the “on fire” Aries comes to live in the Spring Time of Earth’s Cycle.

Is There Anything More Alive Than the First Days of Spring?

Spring blesses the earth with a new level of blazing sun shine.  The air smells different.  Rushing streams, bursting blooms, plants elongating with stem and branch and sprout and leaf.  Easter’s chorus cries “He is Risen.”  The Human Race bears the Aries Soul.  Each Aries Soul could bring itself to life in a brand new way.  No, you are not a God, in the sense of being above others; but you are blessed with a new sense of how God’s Children can bring new personalities forth upon the Human Stage.  Aries have a chance to lift themselves above their powerful sense of self and offer the Art of Human Growth to their brothers and sisters. You are blessed with a ready made answer to the question:  “Could you reach even greater heights?”  The answer is “Yes”.

 

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Taurus Code

January 31st, 2012

by  

Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
The first time you read anything astrological, you say:  “Where did they come up with these animals and humans?”  And then your next logical question is “How do these characteristics transfer some kind of meaning to the adherent?”

What do the characteristics of a scorpion, or a horse, or a goat or a lion tell us?  Then you read what those animalistic or humanistic characters and they communicate something to you.
The Personal Process of Embracing Your Sun Sign

In the case of a Ram let’s say, the images are bold, violent, energetic, youthful, challenging.  Each person can come up with their own images.  This tends to be a personal subjective process.  These images, like a bag of treats, can hold many subjective, and even somewhat contradictory tendencies.  But because these images are quite defined and “agreed upon” by nature itself, these figures become solidified over time.  Being hung with the deadly Scorpion appellation can make most people dread, some people proud and others just much confused.

Cancers who embrace “Moonchild” and don’t like the “Crab”

In my years of counseling, I have found that “stumbling” over these images causes problems and misapprehensions.  Of course this ancient art did not generate these images for our entertainment.  So when the Cancer embraces Moonchild, she also might be missing some meaning because she does not get the Coding in back of the Symbol.  It might be more profitable to more completely focus on the Code, instead of the symbol.  After all, what does a pair of fish going in opposite directions really tell the average Pisces?  Isn’t there a Code that can be more enlightening?   The answer is “Yes”.

The Reverse Engineered Coding that like a Laser Beam, Can Shine on your Soul

In each of these “reverse engineering” articles, I will focus on the larger code above the sun sign symbol, which in actual text will give us clear meaning, and thus a path to success, above the descriptive images the sun sign gives us.

What is the Taurean Code?

The natural bull is pleasant, quiet, cool, and a little self-indulgent.  OK, sometimes mucho self – indulgent.  The Taurus loves the quiet breezes of Spring and the mellower temperatures of May.  Early April can sometimes be so icy.  Taurus loves to munch on those fresh alive plants.  The crunch of mastication pleases them mightily.  They laugh easily and can work hard.  Although, sometimes it’s hard to get them moving.  They have tempers, slow burning tempers that seem not even to be there, but woops, oh no.  There it is a gouging bull aiming for your gut and mooing its famous bellow.  It is easy to accuse them of being “physical” and “self-involved”.  But they are the best of our civilized populace.

Fixed Earth

The “fixed” code is where the solidity of life lies.  During this phase of life the assembling of life’s efforts takes place.  The ancient image of the bull pulling a plow is  about as basic as it gets.  If there is a time, (or a life) when things stop then the fixed time is it!  Earth is the substance used to solidify reality.  The basic adobe structure has been around for aeons.  The cardinal time puts the bricks together, and designs the structure.   After the structure is aged, its mutability becomes evident.  But when the hut is the hut, it’s hard, sturdy and dependable.  Taurus is not really that sensuous; it is just natural for it to be in the practicality of constructing and solidifying the hut.  Taurus is good at being practical and real, and not enchanted by deceits.  They are naturally doubting and want to be shown what is real, before they buy, because what they touch turns into long-lasting reality.
Fixed Earth Spring

Spring time blesses the “fixed earth” Taurus with a sense that what they are doing is being blessed.  Construction projects start in the spring time.  Many human efforts tend to begin in the Spring.  The Taurus, an actor in the Spring Time Drama that Earth produces each year, deeply understands that its life is bound up in beginning promising efforts.  There is no use for the mopey self-indulgent sadness that Taurus sometimes carries around.  It is sometimes discouraging to contemplate how long something will take.  Perhaps that is where Taurus gets its slow-moving, ambling apparent attitude.  It should stop and consider that it is the long term nature of projects that begin in the Spring, which promise a blessing.

Keep the Head Up As You Carry Your Burdens

The Taurus is not plagued by an ominous external threat.  Sure, time is involved.  Time contemplated will tend to discourage.  But that in itself is not a negative message.  Taurus has everything to be positive about.  It has the powerful energy.  It has the solidity it needs to love what it does and do what it does well.  Keep the head up as you carry your burdens.   As long as you keep your eyes off of the earth at your feet, you can accomplish much, feel good, use your mellow voice for joyous tones.  Watch your outlook, heighten your consciousness, and elevate your life’s goals by keeping your eyes on the horizon.  You are completely equipped to be a long term success!  Just don’t get sullen.

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Gemini Code

January 31st, 2012

by  

Rain Dancer Associates, LLC

The first time you read anything astrological, you say:  “Where did they come up with these animals and humans?”  And then your next logical question is “How do these characteristics transfer some kind of meaning to the adherent?”
What do the characteristics of a scorpion, or a horse, or a goat or a lion tell us?  Then you read what those animalistic or humanistic characters and they communicate something to you.

The Personal Process of Embracing Your Sun Sign
In the case of a Ram let’s say, the images are bold, violent, energetic, youthful, challenging.  Each person can come up with their own images.  This tends to be a personal subjective process.  These images, like a bag of treats, can hold many subjective, and even somewhat contradictory tendencies.  But because these images are quite defined and “agreed upon” by nature itself, these figures become solidified over time.  Being hung with the deadly Scorpion appellation can make most people dread, some people proud and others just much confused.

Cancers who embrace “Moonchild” and don’t like the “Crab”

In my years of counseling, I have found that “stumbling” over these images causes problems and misapprehensions.  Of course this ancient art did not generate these images for our entertainment.  So when the Cancer embraces Moonchild, she also might be missing some meaning because she does not get the Coding in back of the Symbol.  It might be more profitable to more completely focus on the Code, instead of the symbol.  After all, what does a pair of fish going in opposite directions really tell the average Pisces?  Isn’t there a Code that can be more enlightening?   The answer is “Yes”.

The Reverse Engineered Coding that like a Laser Beam, Can Shine on your Soul

In each of these “reverse engineering” articles, I will focus on the larger code above the sun sign symbol, which in actual text will give us clear meaning, and thus a path to success, above the descriptive images the sun sign gives us.

What is the Gemini Code?

Gemini’s are a fun and friendly puzzle; both to others and themselves.   They are called the Twins.  Male and Female come to mind.  Castor and Pollux are the two stars involved.  Of course duality fills the universe, so lots of dual images can come into play.  Hot and cold.  Day and Night.  Mercurial is an adjective one hears all the time.  Geminis can talk fast, change their minds easily.  They are said to be alive with all of the Human Senses.  They are great salesman and public relations types.  They are great talkers.  They can be unpredictable and indifferent and also full of love and passion.  Then the next minute, they are joking about the state of the world.  And, as you might be thinking, they can be misunderstood and misread.

Mutable Air

Why are they typically misunderstood?  Change they can do very rapidly.  Look at the word mutable.  They are at the edge of change.   Mutable means things

lose their nature, and take on new qualities.  Now throw in Air.  Air can’t be seen, only its affects can be observed.  Air wears down stone, evaporates water, and blows out fire.  So, its ineffable power is right there to be observed, throughout the planet.  Now put mutable and air together.  This is why Gemini’s are elf-like, youthful, high energy – always on the move.  Color them unpredictable if you wish, but they are right on the edge of the edge of the nature of reality.  Thus, they pick things up from all over.

Mutable Air Spring

Don’t let the Style of the World of Gemini color your opinion.  Now, stop and reverse engineer the idea of Spring.  Spring is closest to new beginnings and Air and Mutability make Springs Beings as quick as a card shark, but as hard to nail down as a ghost.  They are at once child-like playing beings and God’s Angels.  The Gemini without too much guilt can find himself or herself caught picking pockets, but they can also attain a state of mind that allows them to live in a religious theatre of life and fun and prayer and song.

Become Stabilized in Your Heart’s Home


Their loved ones may not be able to understand this nature.  It is very important for Gemini’s to see themselves in action and embrace themselves.  Gemini’s should seek out meditation as a tool to let themselves know themselves.  It is too easy for the Gemini to exhaust themselves.  They can play themselves out just by being themselves.  They can lose control in a host of ways.  Their life’s goal should be the stabilizing of the energies that play themselves out in their bodies and souls every day.  Once the flow of all of these energies slows down and finds currents, a peace, a marvelous kind of melodious orchestra can begin its tunes.  Once a Gemini can really hold onto its true nature, it is a wonder to be one!

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On the Gulf Coast with my Reptilian Brain

January 27th, 2012

I don’t remember where I first heard this well known quip:   “Where ever you go, there you are!”  As a very young man, I laughed at that and kept saying it over and over again.  This of course has been a long term lament.  Until I started reading about topics like meditation and the “reptilian” part of our brains – the limbic system, I would say to myself, why does it matter WHERE I go if I don’t have some solutions for my restless nature?

Since that time as a young man, I have tried to deal with my “Reptilian Brain” (I always thought it was fun to say that).  It is quite picturesque and it scares you a bit.

I have been to the magical Gulf Coast of Texas with all those long sandy islands several times.  America finds out about them every spring when they see crazed college students losing their virtue, and everything else.  But when the kids leave, it is a quiet place.

The first time I took my wife to that big quiet “ocean” as she called it, we both just parked on a beach breathed in the salt air, listened to the small wave patterns and immediately took really long peaceful naps.  When we awoke, I drove a little more and promptly did the same thing.  Since that time, when I am feeling frazzled, I say, “Honey let’s go to the Ohhhhshun.  She says it that way, which immediately transports us.  We are of the “snow bird” ranks.

Decades have passed since I found this unique part of the world, where it so quiet and serene that your thoughts get noisy inside you.  But since it has been a long time, I have gotten into dealing with my “reptilian brain”.

During that time I have learned that the brain and body are exquisitely intertwined systems that are constantly interacting with the environment.   All five senses are connected to this system and field information that determines our unique response to anything from petting a your loved one softly to being popped in the nose at a bar.   In fact, the more senses involved in an experience, the more the brain remembers it, the deeper the imprint onto our emotional systems.

Traumatic experiences create deep, long-lasting physical/emotional impressions that do not easily yield to insight alone or resolution in 10 therapy sessions, especially if they have been stored and built upon from childhood.   This kind of pain creates patterns and remembrances especially deep in that limbic system.

The Reptile is Powerful, I Learned

The limbic system “sets the mind’s emotional tone, filters external events through internal states (creates emotional coloring), tags events as internally important, stores highly charged emotional memories, modulates motivation, controls appetite and sleep cycles, promotes bonding and directly processes the sense of smell and modulates libido”, according to Daniel Amen, MD, author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

Our emotional life is physical; it imprints itself on our bodies.

When we have problems in our deep limbic system, they can manifest in “moodiness, irritability, clinical depression, increased negative thinking, negative perceptions of events, decreased motivation, floods of negative emotion, appetite and sleep problems, decreased or increased sexual responsiveness, or social isolation,” says Dr. Amen. Our neural system carries with it our emotional sense memories from childhood. Familiar smells, sounds or places can send a cascade of memories flooding through us that either wraps us up in their warmth, or challenges us to maintain our composure.

Conscious Ways I Have Tried to Achieve a Relaxed State

On the weekends I have deliberately observed my own version of the Jewish “Shabbat”.  On that day, I do deliberate formal relaxation, meditation and prayer,or some combination of these.   Regularly setting time aside to meditate, pray, or to do deep relaxations can slowly retrain and repattern the limbic system. I have heard and read that this kind of practice  soothes the basil ganglia, regulates the adrenaline response, helps to reset the body’s reaction time, and can help to lessen hyper vigilance.

For years I had a problem with hyper vigilance, just like my Dad.  I could not “talk myself” out of this state.  I felt like a lonely wild dog, always ready to move and pounce.  My hyper vigilance was one of the reasons I began to study psychology and things like that pushed me forward in my studies.  But it wasn’t “getting smart” that reduced my hypervigilance, it was these commonly held practices that have been around for thousands of years.

I read more about why the “Med/Contemplate/Focused Thought/Expressed Faith” practice affects the Limbic System – which is indeed  a potential troublemaker.  Many negative emotions are produced in the limbic system.   Fight or flight are generated from here.  Negative emotions can cause negative emotional states.   These states can, to use an electronic term, “ turn off”  the Limbic system, or “give it a rest”.

As we practice these things in our own way and in our own repetitive practice, not only is the Limbic part of the brain affected, but studies have shown that  the Frontal Lobe, which does shrink as we age, and reveals aging problems, actually show a reversal of these aspects on test instrumentation.

Ever wonder where your Heart “really is”.  Well, there is a part of the brain that many call our “neurological heart”.  It is in the center of our brain.  Tests have shown that the Anterior Cingulate reacts quite very well to positively directed thought/med/contemplation/focused thought/expressed faith.   Thus, this “heart part” affects our whole being in feeling well somatically and affectively.

I wanted to be Less “Aware of Myself”

The Parietal Lobe is where our Physical sense of Self and what they call the Ego experience themselves.  Thus, this lobe is where we get a sense of separation.  However,  activation causes you “not to forget yourself”.  A deactivation of your Parietal Lobe causes you to feel less aware of yourself.

Often times when people are not doing deliberate practices that help relaxation, they can’t get themselves to “shut up”.   I wanted to achieve this state as much as I could.  It has been a long time coming, but quieting my Parietal Lobe through meditation has caused that crazy sense of self to quiet.

The Alchemy of Forgiveness

As a human, walking around with a bundle of resentment, I have noted a need for Forgiveness in my own heart.   The beauty of forgiveness is that in order to consider asking for forgiveness or forgiving ourselves, significant emotional work needs to be accomplished.  This work I have considered to be very formal and deliberate.  It also sets a goal of returning to a positive way of thinking and feeling and reducing negative forecasts and the types of thinking and feeling that are very hard and punishing on our bodies.   There is I feel, a true kind of “alchemy” of forgiveness, though alchemy is not really a medical term per se.

In my past, I have seen “forgiveness” as a problem for me.  Reading more, I have seen that conscious work in forgiveness can bring positive results.  Experts have concluded through studies that  forgiveness is limbic-friendly.   Feelings of anger, resentment, and sadness must be directly addressed in order for forgiveness to be genuine and useful to a recovery.   There are two manifestations of forgiveness that people generally deal with.

Rational and Irrational Forgiveness – Slower Paths to Relaxation

The first is rational: when our actions have directly hurt others or theirs have hurt us, and we need to forgive ourselves or them in order to move on in our lives. The second is irrational: on the one hand, we hold ourselves responsible for pain that others have caused us, and on the other, we feel guilty for pain we may have been a part of causing others even though we could do nothing to change the situation and did not intentionally cause pain. We may feel guilty, for example, for “getting out,” a form of the survival guilt that those who have found recovery often feel towards family members who are still mired in the disease of addiction.

Promote Breath Awareness.   Breath-holding, shortness of breath, and shallow, rapid breathing often accompany or precede anxiety.   I noticed this in my youth too.  It is an increasing concern to all those who experience “breathing issues”.

“Limbic Breathing” Makes Me Feel Good  

Controlling breath patterns soothes the nervous system and deep breaths fill the brain with oxygen so we can think more clearly. “Limbic breathing, by its very nature, will not allow the heart to come under any real stress,” says Majid Ali, MD, in The Ghoraa and Limbic Exercise. “The slower the rate of limbic breathing the greater the safety margin.

Regular exercise, according to research, can be as effective in treating depression as medication. Brisk walking, for example, releases dopamine and serotonin (nature’s tranquilizers) into the system, restoring calm and an overall sense of well-being.

Bubble baths, it turns out, are good medicine. Warm water releases prolactin into the system. Prolactin is one of nature’s calmers and is often associated with nursing mothers.

On the “Ocean”, Feet in the Sand, Not So Hyper Vigilant Anymore

My Reptilian Brain is still there of course.  Yet, now, it is not as much of a trouble maker.  My Vacations, and trips to the “Ocean” are now marked by deeper more happy states.  My wife says, I am “more fun when we go to the Coast”.  Of course, this is a process, and one that I do not always attain to my satisfaction.  At least, I am trying and my trips of Relaxation find a more sedate state.  Perhaps this is also due to my age.  Whatever it is, I have been an experimenter in my life, and this experiment I call my life,  hopefully finds me less bothered, a nicer husband, a better friend and more relaxed guy than I have been in my “hyper vigilant” past.  In my youth, I used to laugh at “Chris going on a vacation, with his restless self leading the way.”  Now, I think back on how “vacationing Chris” wasn’t really real and couldn’t have been that much fun.  I am not sure just how much relaxed I am deep inside, but I know I am more fun.

http://www.psychejam.com/parietal_lobe.htm

http://www.dfwcfids.org/medical/limbcsys.repatterning.htm

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Cancer and Pisces

January 26th, 2012

Fish and Crab

 

How To Get Along – Cancer and Pisces

The Fish and the Crab

AstroCompatibility Is The Goal

This series on AstroCompatibility will cover all of the potential matchups in the Zodiac. We will continue this series thinking about and commenting onPisces and Cancer.

Cancer – Pisces

Pisces is Water and Mutable. Cancer is Water and Cardinal. These are both creatures of and around the ocean. Symbolically, they are in tune with the Neptunian and Lunar worlds of mystery, the subconscious, the unconscious and the nonmaterial. The changeability of Pisces leans toward an adaptation by Cancer. Cancer’s contrasts – home and business and emotional worrisome concerns, can offer Pisces sympathy and focus at the same time. There is much to be optimistic about with this match, because of the essential understanding of their deep inner selves. Their contrasts lie in the mundane and the outer activities of life. Many signs do not have this benefit.

Pisces can pretty well understand Cancer. The Fish knows the Crab’s sentiments and feelings and can lock into the phasing cycles of their lunar consciousness. Pisces understands most everyone, and their ability to see the Crab’s modulations would help the relationship. Cancer, loving and appreciating the Pisces they are attracted to, is most certainly going to exert it organizational, money-wise and practical side on their Fish. They will view this as total helpfulness and see it as a manifestation of love. Pisces however, able to shift this way and that, disappear into a murky subpart of a reef, and then emerge with a smile on its face a few hours later, will insist on being itself. The challenge around money is a little more fundamental than one might think. Pisces is generous in wonderful ways and fanciful with their spare dollars. They could end up in a poker game on the other side of town and feel tremendous freedom. Cancer is cautious with the bucks in so many numerous ways. Dropping some cash in “silly excursions” would be viewed by the Crab as more of a misdemeanor; especially if they were not communicating about these things. These two are wired like cousins, but their key plugs and switches end up in different places.

Positive Postulate: Pisces can be both spiritual and happy and blue all in the same hour. This makes them an intriguing partner, especially if there is attraction in the heart of the Cancer. Pisces sweet humble quality will actually listen to the Crab. The Crab does not like to reveal their secrets. Often the secrets are not worth keeping (they aren’t crimes or misdemeanors), they are just their secrets. Pisces somehow does not mind sharing secrets, but seemingly doesn’t have the desire to discover secrets. What a great combination for the Cancer. This predicts mellow harmony.

Romance Recommendation: What goes on inside the minds and hearts of these two is often more than the average Psychological Sleuth would be ambitious enough to undertake. This still is not so bad for the both of them, as long as they stay in a romantic and sensitive mode, and do not get overly demanding of the other. Romance is where the various human dimensions meet. Romance for these two will work, especially if drugs, alcohol, deep sadness or depression are not a part of the playing field.

Conflict Quotient: Conflict at its worst here could be a miasma of dark emotional murky quicksand. Neither of these two should push so that the other feels trapped or not empowered. Since below conscious activity might be at the core of the conflicts, each should give one another a break and not trap the other with low blow accusations about malice and insensitivity.

Peace Parlay: Life in the end is repetitive and mundane, and so is Romance itself. This factor asks the question: “Can we be bored together over the long term?”As we sometimes say: Boredom can be a refuge. Psychic repair needs to take place periodically for both of these. Especially Pisces will seek out places to be alone and quiet, and maybe, yes, be – bored. Cancer, chatting it up and managing a project, and then discovering themselves on the way to their next meeting is more their style. Cancer will probably keep the two busy, while Pisces gives them a sense of perspective.

Keep Up The Interest Graph: All kinds of interesting things are available to these two. The watery sense of possibility lays open a whole world of interest to the two of them. It would simply lie in what they would choose together.

Seven Year Itchiness: There are some signs that by their nature are more stable in their love interests and family concerns as time goes on. Others are not.7 year cycles of infidelity would not probably affect the Fishes way of seeing the relationship. They tend to go on a clock that is completely their own. The Cancer would have the stop watch, and then realize that the Fish just needs to be loved and encouraged in order for them to feel free of any watery demons that might fretfully inhabit their oceanic psyche.

RATING:

ASTROCOMPATIBILITY POSSIBILITY RATING: 80% Positive Long Term – 70% Short Term. Pisces and Cancer would be warmly engaged right away, upon meeting. Then, as they disclosed themselves to each other, their complex and sensitive selves would unfold and perhaps make a long term union that could navigate their pathways to greater health and happiness than they could have imagined would have been possible on their own. Cancer’s urge to make a prosperous family would benefit Pisces; and Pisces could enhance the atmospherics, ambience and heart of that home.

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Cancer and Gemini

January 26th, 2012

May / June / July

How To Get Along – Gemini and Cancer

 The Twins and The Moonchild

This series on AstroCompatibility will cover all of the potential matchups in the Zodiac. We will continue this series thinking about and commenting on Gemini and Cancer.

Gemini – Cancer

Gemini is Air and Mutable. Cancer is Water and Cardinal. In common, they have a wonderful gift of gabbiness as they course through levels of feeling and talking. Cancer follows the moods of the Moon and enjoys the modulation from quarter moon to full moon. Gemini flits. They flit so well that their listeners are forced to follow them with their ears and eyes. Cancer’s actions are thoughtful and conscious and based in the slow approach rooted in hearth and home. Gemini colors its verbal world with many hues and makes friends fast, home being where they are hanging their hat.

The Cancer is not a timid, but a nondisclosing partner. Keeping their many feelings close to the vest, they are a contrast to Gemini, who shares. Sometimes they are just sharing to make others think they are sharing. Gemini tends not to be grasping and possessive. Cancer will grab every little pebble on the beach and cling to them for their significance. Cancer and Gemini go together well when it comes to double teaming. They make a very powerful pair, Cancer hitting at the emotional level, running things. And Gemini leading openly with speech and tantalizing the mind.

Positive Postulate:

Even though they are quite different: Air and change versus water and action, they could dance together well, featuring their strong suits. Positively speaking, these two could combine Cancerian sentimentality and idealization with Gemini’s free form lack of possessiveness. Their strings could play harmonically with one another, if they were in sync.

Romance Recommendation:

Cancer could slip into a depressive mood state quite easily, as it is their tendency, if there were romantic problems. An insensitive Gemini can pour on sarcasm and coldness and end up through a loss of control hurting its own interests. If Cancer were treated lovingly and sensitively, it would not fall into self protection. The biggest lesson romantically could be tending to feelings.

Conflict Quotient:

Gemini can pull out a verbal saber and cut deftly. They do not like fighting though. Their tongues just make them sound like they are very good fighters. Cancers have tempers and if the domestic is involved, they can be knights on horses. The way for these two to fight, so that the fight can end quickly, is not to corner Gemini and not to threaten Cancerian security.

Peace Parlay:

Life in the end is repetitive and mundane, and so is Romance itself. This factor asks the question: “Can we be bored together over the long term?” One way to make sure that Cancer does not grow bored is to keep it moving. This is a cardinal sign. Just the perception of boredom can frustrate the Cancer. Gemini is ethereal movement. Mental movement, if not physical. Boredom is anathema to the Gemini. It would seem that these two could stay at their own level of “busyness” for the entirety of their relationship.

Keep Up The Interest Graph:

Gemini is almost a helpless flirt. That is an overstatement because the way they communicate seems flirtatious. Charm in general can sometimes look like overt moves, when it is not. Gemini, if healthy, can always bring its charm and electrical energy and enliven relationships of older age. Cancer with its sweeping sentimentality will always want their personal lives to be vibrant and romantic. Since they tend to idealize, they will probably have high personal goals in this regard.

Seven Year Itchiness:

There are some signs that by their nature are more stable in their love interests and family concerns, as time goes on. Others are not. The right spark could make a Gemini fly to infidelity. 7 years could be a sign post, if they were in misery, or felt misunderstood. Cancer is more likely to think about it and imagine it. True to its love of the home, it might not stray, even if unhappy.

RATING:

ASTROCOMPATIBILITY POSSIBILITY RATING: 65% Positive Long Term – 60% Short Term. This has a better chance the older the relationship gets. Cancer could view the Gemini as a fling in the beginning, and then they might grow on each other, Cancer building the home where its clever Gemini could thrive and feel the freedom that lies in happiness.

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Gaelic Women’s Powers

January 26th, 2012
Most people’s view of ancient European history goes something like this:

“The Greeks were hostile males, who loved each other’s company more than their wives. The Roman Catholics were “puftas” who despised women. And before that women were subservient all the time. Aren’t you glad we came along to reframe the entirety of human history so that us girls right now could feel valiant, angry and free?”

The Gaelic Woman

First of all, the history of women is far more fascinating than the above characterization. But the point of this article is that Ancient European Gaelic Culture has been found to be much more interesting. First of all, it has been habit to “barbarianize” the Gaelic culture. This is the habit of the Victor in History – The victor being Romanism and Hellenistic superiority. A study of art, weaponry and tradition and archaeology is revealing a very sophisticated, interconnected advanced culture that simply had an emphasis on ORAL tradition instead of WRITTEN.

Gaelic Woman could:

Sue for divorce,

Own land,

Buy and sell real estate portions.

Gaelic Woman could be:

Priestesses, Seers, Medicine Women and Prophetesses.

AND if they wished to, and had the skill and the leadership — could qualify to be WARRIORS.

Boudicca

Boudicca was the wife of Prasutagus, who was head of the Iceni tribe in East England, in what is now Norfolk and Suffolk.

In 43 CE, the Romans invaded Britain, and most of the Celtic (Gaelic) tribes were forced to submit. However, the Romans allowed two Celtic kings to retain some of their traditional power; one was Prasutagus.

The Roman occupation brought increased Roman settlement, military presence, and attempts to suppress Celtic religious culture. There were major economic changes, including heavy taxes and money lending.

In 47 CE the Romans forced the Ireni to disarm, creating resentment. Prasutagus had been given a grant by the Romans, but the Romans then redefined this as a loan. When Prasutagus died in 60 CE, he left half his kingdom to the Emperor Nero to settle this debt.

The Romans arrived to collect, but instead of settling for half the kingdom, seized control of it. To humiliate the former rulers, the Romans beat Boudicca publicly, raped their two daughters, seized the wealth of many Iceni and sold much of the royal family into slavery. The collected Celtic tribes in that region, planned to revolt and drive out the Romans.

Led by Boudicca, about 100,000 British attacked Camulodunum (now Colchester), where the Romans had their main center of rule. Boudicca’s army burned Camulodunum to the ground; only the Roman temple was left. Immediately Boudicca’s army turned to the largest city in the British Isles, Londinium (London). Suetonius strategically abandoned the city, and Boudicca’s army burned Londinium and massacred the 25,000 inhabitants who had not fled. Archaeological evidence of a layer of burned ash shows the extent of the destruction.

Next, Boudicca and her army marched on Verulamium (St. Albans), a city largely populated by Britons who had cooperated with the Romans, and they were killed as the city was destroyed. Boudicca fought one more battle, though its precise location is not sure. Boudicca’s army attacked uphill, and, exhausted, hungry, was easy for the Romans to rout. Roman troops of 1,200 defeated Boudicca’s army of 100,000, killing 80,000 to their own loss of 400.

What happened to Boudicca is uncertain. It is said she returned to her home territory and took poison to avoid Roman capture.

Boudicca’s story was nearly forgotten until Tacitus’ work, Annals, was rediscovered in 1360. Her story became popular during the reign of another English queen who headed an army against foreign invasion, Queen Elizabeth I.

A Sharp Dagger Strapped to her Inner Thigh

The Grandma with a classical education talked one fresh spring morning with her 3 grand daughters. “Now dears, I want you to see how the Ancient Irish girls protected themselves.” She put her leg on a chair and pulled up her dress above her knee. She grabbed a sharp knife from the kitchen drawer. “In order to protect their virtue, Ancient Irish maidens would strap a knife like this to their inner thigh.”

One of the “correct” Mamas corrected the old crusty Grandma. Her daughter stood up to proect her Grandma. “Mother, we know we can’t do that today, but you know what, this makes me feel different about my ancient Irish cousins. They were well prepared to meet all of the challenges that life offered them.”

Equal Station Enjoyed by their Women

When the Ancient Romans encountered the Celtic tribes inhabiting Northern Europe, in an area north of the Alps, and extending from Turkey in the east, to Ireland in the west, they were impressed with equal station enjoyed by their women.

Celtic women enjoyed an unusual degree of freedom by standards known in the Ancient and Medieval worlds.

They were renowned for their individuality and courage, and were particularly praised for their qualities of self-respect and independence.

Celtic women could inherit land and title, no less than their male siblings.

A woman could serve as chief of the clan, and enter into battle, just as men did, in time of war.

The ferocity of the Celtic warrior women is the subject of legend.

The Romans were shocked by the sexual liberty enjoyed by Celtic women, who extended what the Celts euphemistically referred to as, “the friendship of the thighs.”

Proper Roman matrons, with the false standards of “respectability” imposed upon them by their men folk, found lovers among those prepared to indulge in secret liaisons.

Matrilineal

Due, perhaps, to the sexual liberty of the Celts, succession within their tribes and clans was matrilineal because, amid such general promiscuity, it could be difficult to ascertain who the father of a particular child had been.

A Celtic woman could divorce her husband if he failed to support her, or treat her with respect, if he was impotent, homosexual, sterile, or gossiped about their sex lives.

She could leave him if he was fat, a snorer, or just plain repulsive.” from A Toast to the Lassie, by Carson C. Smith.

When you ponder the challenges that modern woman face, there is a similarity to the broad challenging world of the Gaiec(Celtic) woman in her world at her time. Their villages were seasonal oftentimes, and they had to be very flexible, in addition to having the ability to function in society, in love, in leadership, in hunting and in war. The limiting way in which women have been studied for exemplars of Roman and Greco worlds tells women that those societies might be fairly representing roles of women, or not, but it is definitely advisable to work to understand those old worlds with a new breadth and a fresh desire to look at previous exemplars anew. Christofer French adheres to Syncretism, a new way of approaching older traditions.

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Flaming Hot, Flaming Out, Flaming over the Long Term

January 23rd, 2012

 

Neuroscience - Lust, Romantic Love and Long-Term Attachment  

We have all been bemused by those initial feelings, those in between states, and the longer term inner bewildering biochemical stages.   And “Lust” has beguiled us all in various ways at various times in our lives.  Using ourselves as neuroscientific experiments, we can all look back at so many various states we have been in.  The way sexual maturity comes upon us and turns our young personalities into new people.  The way lust explodes on us and bowls us over and possesses us.  Then the way things become modified, changed, different – good but not as crazed, warm but not as hot, loving by more serious.  We all can characterize these things from our personal experiences.

We all know what it is to describe and feel the first flavor of Lust:

  • the brand new sex and the obsessions
  • the funny cute things that you say to each other, and
  • the big question floating around:  “Will this go beyond this?”

 

I mean the totality of what is going on in a new relationship.  It is important to actually see yourself in a NEW RELATIONSHIP because often they FAIL, not because they were not a good match, but because each of you got burnt in the cauldron of the new relationship.

 

As neuroscience starts giving names to our feelings, and describing our actions as impulses and hormonal states, we start to see how Brain Chemistry may be a better way to understand the processes of love, and why we can often be confused at the elemental level, but also be enlightened by those changing states of brain chemistry.

 

Neuroscience Helps What Used to be Just Mystifying

Studies in neuroscience involved chemicals that are present in the brain and might be involved when people experience love. These chemicals include:  nerve growth factor, testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.

ü  Adequate brain levels of testosterone seem important for both human male and female sexual behavior.   This covers the initial sexual adventure.

ü  Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are more commonly found during the attraction phase of a relationship.

ü  Oxytocin and vasopressin seemed to be more closely linked to long term bonding and relationships characterized by strong attachments.

The conventional view in biology that there are two major drives in love —sexual attraction   and attachment.   Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to his or her mother or father– or both.

The chemicals triggered that are responsible for passionate love and long-term attachment love seem to be more particular to the activities in which both persons participate rather than to the nature of the specific people involved.

“Lust” is a biochemical state more than a religious/moral term

Anthropologist Helen Fisher adds lust to the experience of love. Lust exposes people to others, and is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating , and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen . These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months.

“Three Flavours” – Really Separate Phenomena

Scanning the brains of people in love is also helping to refine science’s grasp of love’s various forms.  Helen Fisher, a researcher at Rutgers University, and the author of a new book on love, suggests it comes in three flavours:  lust, romantic love and long-term attachment. There is some overlap but, in essence, these are separate phenomena, with their own emotional and motivational systems, and accompanying chemicals. These systems have evolved to enable, respectively, mating, pair-bonding and parenting.

 

Trust Lust for only awhile.  Don’t Trust Lust Long Term

Lust, of course, involves a craving for sex. Jim Pfaus, a psychologist at Concordia University, in Montreal, says the aftermath of lustful sex is similar to the state induced by taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs, including increases in the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids (the body’s natural equivalent of heroin). “This may serve many functions, to relax the body, induce pleasure and satiety, and perhaps induce bonding to the very features that one has just experienced all this with”, says Dr Pfaus.

Romantic Love is Another State

Then there is attraction, or the state of being in love (what is sometimes known as romantic or obsessive love). This is a refinement of mere lust that allows people to home in on a particular mate.  Characterized by feelings of exhilaration, and oh those strange intrusive, obsessive thoughts about the object of one’s affection.

Some researchers suggest this mental state might share neurochemical characteristics with the manic phase of manic depression. Dr Fisher’s work, however, suggests that the actual behavioral patterns of those in love — such as attempting to evoke reciprocal responses in one’s loved one — resemble obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

The parents of any love-besotted teenager might want to know the answer to that. Dr Fisher suggests it might, indeed, be possible to inhibit feelings of romantic love, but only at its early stages.  For discussion purposes, OCD is characterized by low levels of a chemical called serotonin.  In considering possible treatments, Drugs such as Prozac work by keeping serotonin hanging around in the brain for longer than normal, so they might stave off romantic feelings.

Romantic Love in Earnest

(This also means that people taking anti-depressants may be jeopardizing their ability to fall in love.) But once romantic love begins in earnest, it is one of the strongest drives on Earth.   Dr Fisher says it seems to be more powerful than hunger. A little serotonin would be unlikely to stifle it.

Wonderful though it is, romantic love is unstable — not a good basis for child-rearing.  But the final stage of love, long-term attachment, allows parents to co-operate in raising children. This state, says Dr Fisher, is characterized by feelings of calm, security, social comfort and emotional union.

Looking for the One?  You are Looking for “Attachment”

Things can get complicated.   “You can feel deep attachment for a long-term spouse, while you feel romantic love for someone else, while you feel the sex drive in situations unrelated to either partner.”   This independence means it is possible to love more than one person at a time, a situation that leads to jealousy, adultery and divorce — though also to the possibilities of promiscuity and polygamy, with the likelihood of extra children.   As we all know from possible personal experience, a powerful TV drama or an Epic Tale from the movies, things can get complicated.    Of course, this makes us come to a conclusion that we were not built to be “happy”, but we were sure built to “reproduce”. “We were not built to be happy but to reproduce.”   This could be thought of in a different way too.  If we are not “happy”, we can still function in the world, and even if we are unfaithful, we are still functioning in keeping the human populace thriving.

Genders Look at things Differently

The stages of love vary somewhat between the sexes. Lust, for example, is aroused more easily in men by visual stimuli than is the case for women. This is probably why visual pornography is more popular with men. And although both men and women express romantic love with the same intensity, and are attracted to partners who are dependable, kind, healthy, smart and educated, there are some notable differences in their choices.  Men are more attracted to youth and beauty, while women are more attracted to money, education and position. When an older, ugly man is seen walking down the road arm-in-arm with a young and beautiful woman, most people assume the man is rich or powerful.

Importance of Physical Contact and Affection

In “A General Theory of Love”, three professors of psychiatry provide an overview of the scientific theories and findings relating to the role of the Limbic System  in love, attachment and social bonding. They propose that our nervous systems are not self-contained, but rather demonstrably attuned to those around us and those with whom we are most close.

Limbic Resonance

This empathy, which they call  “limbic resonance”  is a capacity which we share, along with the anatomical characteristics of the limbic areas of the brain, with all other mammals.   Their work builds on previous studies of the importance of physical contact and affection in social and cognitive development.  The studies by Harlow which demonstrated the biological consequences of isolation in rhesus monkeys went a long way in showing how other studies on  feeling, touching, cooing, stroking and cuddling all have important parts in establishing “limbic resonance.

As we learn more about the complexities of the occurrences in our brains, and how our brains connect with our bodies, we will hopefully be less inclined to make important decisions about our romantic partners, and our own feelings that are also based upon the underlying biochemical actors and how they influence our sentiments, affections, commitments and alliances that we build.  The more conscious we become with all of these issues, the more knowledgeable and mature we can be as we struggle our way through the powerful forces we call sex and romance.
http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html

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